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How do you recover after an emotional setback?

September 2nd, 2008 by Erin Pavlina          Email this article to a friend Email this article to a friend

Question:  How do you raise your energy when you’ve been stepped on and emotionally trounced by another person, and your self esteem is so low that you can’t even imagine ever being happy again? 

Answer:  I think everyone goes through periods in their lives when they feel stepped on and emotionally crushed.  Sometimes the emotional pain is worse than any physical pain you can imagine.  I know, I’ve been there myself.  Trying to find happiness, trying to find even a smidgeon of joy, can be difficult, especially if you have low self esteem or otherwise feel powerless.

Find positive thoughts.  What has always worked for me is grasping at the positive, no matter how faint or how far off it may seem.  Find one thought that makes you feel a little tiny bit better.  “Well, at least I have a roof over my head.”  Or, “Well, at least I still have my family.”  Try not to let yourself become overwhelmed with negative feelings or they will bury you in an avalanche of despair from which it’s hard to dig yourself out.  Keep grasping at thoughts that put you in a better position than you initially saw yourself.  Make a list of what you still have that’s important to you or that makes you feel good, safe, or secure.

Connect with loved ones.  Another way to raise your energy is to talk to someone who loves you and cares about you.  Friends and family are excellent at helping you see that you are not alone, and helping you find positive thoughts.  Let them know you need help, and ask them if they will listen to your problem. 

Keep your perspective.  It’s also important to put things into perspective.  Maybe it’s not as bad as you’re imagining.  Compartmentalize your problem so you don’t let it permeate your whole life.  Maybe you lost your job but you have an awesome and supportive wife and 3 great kids who are the light of your life.  Maybe your husband asked you for a divorce but you’ve got great friends and a fantastic career.

Help others.  One of the best ways to raise your energy is to help someone else who is down, troubled, or depressed.  By offering a blessing to another you will feel blessed in return to be able to help someone.  It’s a win-win because the other person gets something that will help them and you begin to feel better and more powerful yourself.

Feel gratitude.  Nothing raises your energy higher than offering prayers of thanks for what you have. 

Learn from the situation.  Your situation may really be quite horrible but what’s worse is to fall into the same trap again.  If you just left an abusive relationship, learn from it and don’t get into another one.  If you just got fired figure out what you really want to be doing and see it as an opportunity to find something better.  If you think low self esteem got you into the situation, work on improving your self esteem.

Don’t beat yourself up.  What you don’t want to do is beat yourself up after someone else has already beaten you up.  That serves no purpose.  If you start hearing thoughts in your head like, “I’m just a stupid-head,” or “I’m a no good rotten person who isn’t worthy of love,” or “Who is going to hire me now?” you just stop those thoughts right out of the gate!  That’s fear talking.  You can’t allow yourself the luxury of a negative thought.  That will anchor your feet under the water and you’ll drown.  Keep your chin up.  If you can’t find a positive thought at least don’t let the negative ones creep in.

Take care of yourself.  Take some time to do something joyful.  See a movie, take a walk, call a good friend, get a spa treatment, dine at your favorite restaurant.  Indulge yourself a little.  Don’t do something destructive like eat 10 bowls of ice cream, but do something to show yourself that you still care.

Sometimes bad things happen.  How you handle it determines the course of your life.  Will you pull through or allow it to bury you?  Find strength in what you still have going for you.  Sometimes life throws us into the raging river.  Whether we sink or swim is up to us.  Keep your chin up and your head above water so you can find your way back to the shore.  Look for help along the way.  It can come from many places.

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  • Understanding Your Life Purpose

    August 28th, 2008 by Erin Pavlina          Email this article to a friend Email this article to a friend

    When I do intuitive readings people often ask me about their life purpose.  I think this is one of the best reasons to get a reading.  Discovering your life purpose isn’t always easy, and getting some insight as to your purpose can certainly help you get some focus and clarity on your path.  Let’s talk about what a life purpose is and isn’t, however, since when I do readings there is often confusion about this.

    Your life purpose is not to be an accountant, a writer, a coach, or an airline pilot.  No. Those are mediums with which you can express your life purpose.  Your life purpose is more about who you are at your core and what you are here to learn and give than it is about what you do for a living.  So first let’s disconnect life purpose from career path.  You may use your career path to express your life’s purpose, but rarely do I see an actual career being your life purpose.  So when people ask me their life purpose and are expecting to hear accountant, writer, coach, airline pilot, they will be disappointed.

    After doing more than a thousand readings where nearly everyone has asked about their life purpose, I’ve seen some generalities develop.  People fall into one of two categories: 1) They are here to have a personal growth experience, to learn, grow, and understand more about life, relationships, and oneness so they can evolve and become more conscious, or 2) They have incarnated to have an impact on the planet, to change something for all of humanity, to make a difference and change the course of many lives, to share a profound wisdom of which they are already aware, that will benefit everyone.

    People in the first category (here to have a personal growth experience) will still impact the people in their lives.  And people in the second category (here to have an impact) will still have a personal growth experience.  But their primary life purpose is one or the other.  On rare occasions I’ve seen people here to have a personal growth experience who are also here to have an impact on the planet, but only after that personal growth is achieved to a certain extent where it would then benefit the planet as a whole.

    When I read for people who are here to have a personal growth experience, I usually get a certain energy around them like healer, teacher, humanitarian, entrepreneur, communicator, etc.  Healers, for example, are here to help alleviate the physical and emotional suffering of others and are well suited for careers in the medical field, psychology, energy healing, etc.  People with teacher energy are often drawn to teaching, writing, speaking, or coaching.  And on it goes.  So when people in the personal growth category ask their guides for their life purpose, they will probably hear their category (healer, teacher, communicator, etc.) and then get some suggestions for career paths that are closely aligned with their path.  It’s up to you to decide what works best for you.  There is no spiritual imperative for you to be any particular profession.  As long as you are in alignment with your higher energy, you will do just fine.  You can have a personal growth experience being homeless, being a pole dancer, or even a prostitute. 

    Now when I read for people who incarnated to have an impact on the planet, I usually pick up on something very specific.  Example:  “You came here to have a major impact in the field of physics, specifically in the area of DNA and how it relates to consciousness.”  Another example, “You came here to teach people compassion, specifically in the area of domestic violence by teaching women to have higher self esteem, and by educating parents on how to keep their sons from being abusive.”  Usually people in this category totally resonate with what their guides are telling them, much like when Luke Skywalker told Princess Leia she was his twin sister to which she replies, “I know.  Somehow, I’ve always known.”  That’s the reaction I usually get when people’s area of impact is revealed.  It’s like it’s been encoded in their DNA and I’m just reawakening the memory. 

    I often find Lightworkers in this second category of people who are here to impact the planet.  It’s practically the only way to get a Lightworker to re-incarnate here on Earth. ;) Part of the reason I incarnated was to remind people where we come from and to help people remember we are all one.  The idea that I might someday succeed at this is what got me out of my cozy ethereal bed.  Part of Steve’s impact is to teach people to live consciously.

    Why are you here?  What is your primary reason for being?  How do you know what it is?  In my personal experience doing all these readings, I find that the people who are here to have an impact already somehow know what they’re supposed to be doing, so a reading with me provides validation and confirmation, a sort of activation of their programming. 

    People in the first category, here to have a personal growth experience, tend to have more flexibility in what they do while incarnated, because they can have their growth experiences in any job they choose to have.  They may not even find growth in their chosen career.  Perhaps someone is a really good accountant, but has most of their growth experiences on evenings and weekends being the coach of a little league team or going skiing with friends.  Nothing wrong with that.  Not everyone is here to save the planet.  Some people are here to save themselves and a few others caught in their personal growth crossfire.

    So how do you know which category you’re in?  I find most people are not surprised when their guides tell them what category they’re in.  So you can find out in a reading with me.  Or you can ask your guides yourself.  Or you probably already know on some level and just need to remember.

    Does everyone have a life purpose?  I believe so, yes.  Everyone has a reason for incarnating here.  You may not be a Jesus, Gandhi, or Abraham Lincoln, but you’ll get just as much out of your time here if you are a Karen Smith, Joe Johnson, or Susan Jones.  So make the most of it.

    And remember, we’re all here to help each other learn, grow, understand, and live consciously.  So plug into your purpose and get busy making the most out of your life.

    Have comments or questions on this article or topic? We're discussing this article in the Erin Pavlina forum. Please join us.


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